You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
