More tranny stories later!
barbara walters just said penis...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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