Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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