right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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