I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
