It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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