I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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