i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
