I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
