I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
