I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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