If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
