I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
