Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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