Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
