Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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