I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize