So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my shit smells like andre
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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