Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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