I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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