I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
