oh god the rape fog is back!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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