i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
