don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
