In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
