I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
