is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please come you make the beer taste better
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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