Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
