I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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