i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
