Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
false alarm. still invincible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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