bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
