You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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