I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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