Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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