do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
