i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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