It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
