she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
