At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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