I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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