Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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