Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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