it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
