he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
