can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
