that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
