would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
