Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
