Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
