I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
