Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize