I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
