fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
