My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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