It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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