I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
