everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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