let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
