My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
