Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
