I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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