You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
