You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
