I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
