Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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