Buhtt sex?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
