I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
