there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
