What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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