Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
