I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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