wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
