so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
