I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
