I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
