I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
