Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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